


All I Want Is To Hear Your Voice Again

by TheGeniusCallsYou



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: 4x15, 4x15 coda, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Memories, that episode hit right in the feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 08:08:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13899882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGeniusCallsYou/pseuds/TheGeniusCallsYou
Summary: There was a memory in Jesse’s head. It was the one, she was the most afraid to lose. In this memory she was sitting on the couch. She didn’t know how old she was, it didn’t matter. Her dad was sitting next to her with a gentle smile on his face. There were arms around her, her mother’s arms. In front of her she could see pictures from “Alice in Wonderland” – Jesse still had that book. Her mother was reading it to her, yet even if she tried, every time, Jesse couldn’t hear her mother’s voice.*“Daddy?”“Yes, honey?”“Are you alive?”Harry sat upright and looked at his daughter.“Why wouldn’t I be, sweetheart?”“Your eyes were closed.”“I was sleeping.”“Mum’s eyes were closed too.”





	All I Want Is To Hear Your Voice Again

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, the last episode hit me right in the feels.
> 
> All mistakes that could be found are mine and I'm sorry for them. Checked it couple of times, but some always escape me. Hope, it won't spoill the read :)

„Daddy?”

„Yes, honey?”

„Are you alive?”

“Of course I am, honey.”

“Good.”

*

When Jesse was four years old, her mother had died. It was a sudden thing – one moment she had been fine, the next she had been whisked off to the hospital and dead within four days. A stroke they said but it didn’t mean anything to Jesse at that time. Not many things did. She just knew that her mom was gone and wouldn’t be back. It was her and her dad from now on.

*

At first Harry was numb. The light of his life was gone. He was so smart but in the end he was helpless. He couldn’t do a thing. He should be able to, he was a genius, he should see the signs and should have done something. Maybe then, she would still be here.  
He hadn’t taken Jesse to the funeral. It wasn’t a place for a child. Afterwards he pushed himself to go on, even if he was dead inside. He put on a face and cried when nobody could see him. He still had a lab to manage and a daughter to take care off, yet there were moments when he couldn’t care less. He threw things around and yelled in rage. It was unfair. It should be someone else.

*

If you asked now, Jesse would tell that she didn’t remember much. Time was a ruthless thing. She could remember bits here and there – a moment from her third birthday party, a trip to the park when it was snowing, the day she lost her favourite doll or the day when she wanted to build a toaster but hadn’t got a slighted idea how to do so. Her mother was present in all of those memories or snippets how Jesse began to call them. Always smiling and helpful. Years later, after looking at the photos, Jesse built different memories in her head.

*

It was one of these days. The one when he felt so empty and worthless, that he couldn’t find the strength to move. He didn’t know how long he was crying, nor did he know how much time had passed since his wife had died. There was only pain, ripping his heart and insides apart.  
He was still sitting on the floor, his face buried in his hands, crying his eyes out, when Jesse run into the room.  
Jesse might have been small and didn’t understand the whole meaning of death but she knew her dad was sad and she didn’t like it at all. She tried to make him laugh but the tears were still flowing from his eyes.  
Harry felt small arms wrapping around his hand and pulling it away from his face. He looked at his daughter’s innocent face and big eyes so much like his wife’s. She knew something was wrong. Harry pulled her to his chest and hugged her close. There were only the two of them now. Life was so unfair.  


*

There was a photo of both of her parents sitting with her on the grass in the park. To this day, Jesse could swear, she remember it being taken. She remembered going to the park and how her dad and mum used to lift her up in air by her hands on their way there. All of them were laughing. Was it her brain linking other events into one, was it made up or really had happened - she didn’t really know and probably never would. What she chose to believe was a completely different thing, that no one could take away from her.  


*

At first Harry put Jesse to sleep in her own room. The lamp had to be on all the times. He still remembered how she had started crying when he switched it off for the first time. He didn’t know that with the light on, Jesse felt safer. With the light on, she believed someone was protecting the both of them. When the light was on, nobody could take her dad away from her. At least that was, what she was telling herself. She slept by herself for 3 full nights.  


*

Harry was asleep when he felt somebody shaking his arm.

“Daddy?”

“Hmm?” He was still groggy from sleep. He threw himself at work to make himself forget and now was deadly tired.

“Are you alive?”

His eyes shot open. Jesse had climbed onto his bed and was looking at him with wide eyes, clutching her teddy bear in her other hand.

“Of course I am, honey.”

“Can I sleep here tonight?”

He didn’t answer, just moved the covers aside. Jesse fell asleep hugged tightly to his chest.

They moved her bed to his room the next day.

*

No one could doubt that Jesse had a special bond with her dad. He wasn’t just her father but also her best friend and confident but there were things she never had told him. He would never know that when she was little, she spend hours on wondering what would happen to her if he would also die and he would never know that all the prizes she had won, all fights she had gotten into were to get his attention. Because even when he tried, Jesse still thought that she had to somewhat prove herself to him.

*

The moved bed helped a little but not much. Jesse had her father in her sight all the time but it didn’t help the anxiety she felt. Especially, when she had suddenly woken up and saw him still on the bed. She climbed out of her bed and started shaking him, until he had opened his eyes.

*

“Daddy?”

“Yes, honey?”

“Are you alive?”

Harry sat upright and looked at his daughter.

“Why wouldn’t I be, sweetheart?”

“Your eyes were closed.”

“I was sleeping.”

“Mum’s eyes were closed too.”

After that remark, Jesse had slept with her father in one bed. This way, every time she had woken up, she could check, he was still with her.

*

Jesse missed her mum. Even after all this years. She knew, she had moved on, but there were times, when all of a sudden the sadness could struck her without a warning. She had missed her on her first day of school, on her prom night, the day she had gotten accepted onto the university. She also sometimes missed her during breakfast or when her dad was away at work. She knew, he was missing her too, even when he refused to speak about it. Sometimes, Jesse had wondered, whenever her father knew she was missing her too and sometimes, she dreamed, that her mum came back home and everything was the same as it used to be.

*

There was a memory in Jesse’s head. It was the one, she was the most afraid to lose. In this memory she was sitting on the couch. She didn’t know how old she was, it didn’t matter. Her dad was sitting next to her with a gentle smile on his face. There were arms around her, her mother’s arms. In front of her was a book. “Alice in Wonderland” – Jesse still had that book. Her mother was reading it to her, yet even if she tried, every time Jesse couldn’t hear her mother’s voice.

*

“Dad?”

“Yes, honey?”

“Are you, awake?”

Harry smiled and hugged her daughter, kissing her on the head.

“Yes, I’m awake.”

A couple of days later, Jesse moved back to her own room

*

“Because in the vast night sky, you are the only star I see.”

Her eyes watered with tears and she closed them letting them fall. She felt her dad squeezing her hand.

“Sweetie, come here. Be with me.”

Jesse was back on the couch. Her father beside her smiling and her mother’s arms around her. Above, for the first time since a very long time, Jesse could finally hear “Alice in Wonderland” in her mother’s voice.


End file.
